Write

I can't work out if this is all, like, post-modern funny, or horrifically sexist. Or both. But ultimately, I don't care because it made me laugh my ass off. Baking during sex? WHY NOT.

How to get a guy to notice you while you're having sex - 'Guys love blowing their load into a confident woman'.

WARNING: It's from The Onion.


All hilarity aside - 2011 really is shaping up to be the worst ever for my family. My Aunt was in hospital yesterday having her gall bladder removed. She was in so much pain today, her husband called 999 and it turns out, they forgot to tie off one of the...I don't know. Can't remember what it's called. Anyway, bile has been leaking into her stomach since the operation - she's been back in theatre for nearly four hours now. Calls are being put out to the family with a 'this is not good' message. There's nothing for it but to wait and hope. *throws hands up* 2011, you were fired the second week of January, and now I'm just pulling the AK-47 on you.

Oh God. I told Steve today that my mother is going to be here over the summer and offered to bring Evie over to his place for visits during that time because I assumed he wouldn't want to meet/deal with her. But no, he said he'd still come over even with her here (I have this theory that I've had since before Evie was born; namely, that he told himself I wouldn't be allowed back in his place ever again. I don't know why but I'm also positive I'm not wrong. Of course, he also finds it convenient because all her toys are at her home obviously but it's not the whole story, I'm sure. Anyway.) and that means...well, that Steve is going to meet my mother. The horror this fills me with is not something I can portray accurately in words.

I have no qualms about her meeting him - he's nice and good looking and well mannered and although he's a bit quiet, this is probably a good thing in this case. She however...is liable to blowing up at any moment. She has no sense of humour. She has no concept of what's embarrassing or hurtful to her kids - she makes totally inappropriate comments without thinking of the effect of them. She once told me that she'd 'never forgive Steve' for not being around when I was pregnant, failing to note that it has bugger all to do with her. Thus, there will probably be Comments. About that, about the fact he hasn't told his parents about her yet, about the fact he doesn't pay maintenence, about the fact that he only sees her once a week, comments alluding to the fact that she thinks he and I should be together (what I want or have told her doesn't count, only what she thinks counts). It won't matter if I ask her not to say anything, she is incapable of controlling herself.

And so, I am traumatised at the very thought. It is inevitable though and in a way, it might be good. She'll get to put a face to the name (so will stop bugging me about it), he will get to see Evie's grandmother and might be encouraged to tell his own parents. There is just no way in the world that there won't be at least one terrible incident. Hopefully it won't be bad enough to ruin the nice friendly status quo we have going on - if it does...I won't finish that sentence.

I do love my mother. She can be so awesome. But she's stuck her nose into my business before and once she lost me a job and the house I was living in, just because she can't control herself. Being publically embarrassed/humiliated was par for the course growing up with her. I am so worried that she's going to mess all this up too. Fuck. *deep breath*

Well. Nothing I can do about it. Just needed to vent all that.

As you were.

Of the good:

After all her stressing, turns out mother is not a diabetic after all. This seems to have made her cheerful, so good.

Long weekend off college. OK, it's only an extra day off for me because I don't go in on Fridays anyway, but the principle is good. No Monday early-rising for me, hurrah!

I kicked my own ass in the gym today. It was glorious, even if my muscles are vehemently disagreeing with me right now.

Ashes to Ashes is on tonight. I love it, as long as I mostly ignore Alex in the bits where she's not nearly shagging Gene.

Of the bad:

Electric bill showed up and is randomly four times higher than it usually is. This is obviously what happens when you let the guy in to read the meter. Won't be doing that again.

This morning, after an early wake-up from the baby (who refused to go back to sleep, thereby creating the dozing/jerk-awake state that I blame this on), I wrote an SPN fic in my head. Every time I was just dropping back off, a new paragraph would unfold in my head. This went on for an enitre long fic. It is bad because now I don't remember all the stuff I mentally wrote, but I do remember the concept so I will have to work to find the story again. Also bad because hello? Do I want to get sucked into fanfic again? Not really apart from the bit where I love it.

Of the heh:

I have the same birthday as Jensen Ackles. We are clearly BFF'S!! Jared doesn't count because they are clearly shagging.


I entered that last bit merely because I am tired and amused by tiny things right now. I have discovered that while SPN is awesome, I have no desire to learn much about the actors themselves, which is quite rare when I love a show.

...we'll see how long it lasts. Now I go to watch some more. The bank robbery ep I watched this morning kicked ass! Actually, so did the hotel one after - I love old hotels. Is it just me becoming immune or is S2 less scary than S1? I like it better. More emphasis on Sam and the demon thing = less killer scarecrows and insane asylums and omfg the monkey clapping its cymbals together nooooooo! (blame that one on Stephen King). Anyway. Less scary and more character stuff and demons is all good by me. I sleep better.

ETA: MWHAHAHA! Regular!Sam = Not Hot. Possessed!Sam = SMOKIN' LIKE A WILDFIRE BABY! OH YEAH!

Also, Dean describing Sam as having a girl inside him as 'pretty naughty' made me sporfle all over the place because, what is this? a 60's risque comedy or something?

My boiler is making very weird noises. Very weird. So much so that I've had to turn it off. And hey, guess what? Now it's cold. *grumps*

Steve didn't come round today. I'm a bit miffed - not because he didn't come, because he said he might not (he had 'something to do' today. Hmmm) - but he did say he'd let me know if he wasn't going to show. And he hasn't. So I will presume he's going to turn up tomorrow which we worked out as an alternative but it would have been nice to know for sure earlier. Still, no biggie. It just feeds my fears that he might disappear one day makes me antsy. I did lots of cleaning for nothing.

My mother got home and about one hour later was sending me nasty emails. Hurrah.

And I am bored. I didn't want to RP in case he did come and now its too late. I have no homework outstanding (well a bit but it's frankly horrific so I can't be bothered right now), nothing good on TV and too early to go to bed. Hmph. Cold.

My mother has surfaced. It was a two week holiday. I was confused as I tried to phone her yesterday and she again wasn't in, so then I was all, 'OMG SHE'S BEEN BACK A WEEK AND IS ON THE FLOOR AND CANT ANSWER THE PHONE OR WHATEVER,' and imagining all sorts of gruesome happenings. The reason for this is not that it was likely, exactly, it's just that everything happens when my mother is on holiday. Princess Di died, Grandma had her first stroke, then Grandma died, 9/11 happened - all bad stuff and it always happens when she's out of the country. I was thinking for a time there that it was her turn. But no. She just got back really late last night. And she had a great time in Maderia, so cool.

Also cool! My sister is randomly coming over next week. She didn't tell me this, mother informed me of it just now and I think it will be fun. She wants to see the baby and mother was coming up that week anyway so we'll all hang out (in my tiny flat omg) and try not to step all over each other in the confined space. I'm quite looking forward to it actually, we haven't all been together for three years - exactly three years actually, as Sarah was here for her 30th birthday and she'll be 33 on March 7th.

...Sis, if you're reading this - HAHAHA YOU'RE OLD!!

*ahem* (what? I'm the youngest, I'm allowed to be a brat)

In other news...there is no other news. I'm on half-term so I go and spend a couple of hours in the gym while the baby is at nursery and that's all I have to do, really. Perhaps I should do my homework but, quite frankly, I can't be arsed.

I have so much food in my kitchen, I can't fit it all in the cupboards. HEEE!

I don't know if people get this, maybe it's just something I find brilliant. But...when you can walk into your kitchen and are actually spoilt for choice over what to eat for dinner, it's a bloody nice feeling. My mum rocks sometimes. I am such a hopelessly bad shopper, I often end up living on toast for weeks on end, or plain pasta for days at a time simply because I can't be bothered to go the supermarket. So this? Is joy.

My sister - meh. Haven't seen her in almost three years and we still don't have anything to say to each other. Nice enough, but bland. Such is life I guess.

So. I've been up way over 24 hours and have to be up in a few more to take mother to the train. This visit? Not as stressful as I thought it would be. But in other sad news, one of my housemates horses had to be put down on Thursday. Damn farrier's apprentice hammered a nail into his foot when putting new shoes on him. Cue absess, infection, fever, and then bone damage. Which horses very rarely come back from. And Nookie didn't. :(

I'm crashing. So tired. But things will be written tomorrow and that will be joy. :)

So, I'm outta here for a couple of weeks. Off to a strange place called my mothers. Which means no internet and no Sky TV i.e no 24, not even episodes I've already seen. *sigh*

The funeral is going to be weird. Irish family means tonnes of relatives, most of whom I haven't seen since I was about six. And I'm staying with my Dad, who I've seen four times in the last 16 years. Wow, this is going to be fun...