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Nov. 18th, 2006 12:32 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fightingthecageThis is a post of personal opinion. It is aimed at no one in particular and comes mainly from the fact that there are things I don't understand. And when there are things I don't understand, I like to figure them out.
I would say that this is a disclaimer, to ensure people don't take offence - but I'm not going to put a disclaimer on my own opinion (apart from the fact that by saying that, I think I probably just did. Ah well. Life goes on).
i) I don't hate myself. I don't understand people who hate themselves. It seems like such a complete and utter waste of time to me. Life is short, why spend it in self-loathing? It's not like you're ever going to be able to get away from your problems by despising yourself - quite the opposite in fact. I suppose it's sometimes explained by low self-esteem due to abuse of some sort and that's utterly understandable. What I truly don't get is why there are young attractive people, who have everything going for them, complaining about thinking they're crap. Maybe what confuses me more is the sheer volume of these people that seem to be around. When did the world get so emo?
ii) I don't understand people who don't want to experience things, even things deemed as 'bad'. For example, pain. OK, most people don't willingly invite pain into their lives and that's probably a good thing. On the other hand - what's so scary about it? It goes away. Deal with it. The amount of times people have looked at my tattoos and said, 'I really want one but I know it'll hurt!'...well, yeah. It does, a bit. But my last one was done five years ago - am I crying about it right now? No. I didn't even cry when it was happening because it wasn't that bad and there's nothing to be afraid of.
I used to do martial arts. There were a few women training also, and they never really got hit. They used to stare at me when the guys smacked me and ask if I wasn't mad about that - I explained that no, I'd asked to be treated equally. What's the point of learning to fight if you have no idea what a punch feels like? You can do all the shit in the world but if you'll fold in shock the moment a punch lands, you're screwed. I wanted to explain to the other chicks that they're not as weak as they think they are, but what right have I got to tell them what to think? Their bodies, it's up to them. I just don't get it.
I will add to this one - I am talking about physical pain. Other kinds of pain are not for me to comment upon.
iii) I don't understand fandoms based around fairies or werewolves or vampires. Which is fine, because everyone likes different things. But could someone please explain the attraction to me? I'm quite dense, sometimes, at not seeing what's right in front of my face and there's every chance I'm missing what seems to be obvious to so many others.
I should add that this point probably comes from my mood. Anyone remember that post I made ages ago about being crap at fandom? A variation of this hit again today, because reading other journals where people squee about a variety of different shows/genres makes me feel dreadfully mundane. I like things that make me think. I like things that blow up and have hot guys in them (even better if all these things are in the same movie/book/show, natch). I like things that move me to tears, or inspire me to want to do something, or make me want to party or even make me emo...the point being, the moods are always inspired by something human. I don't get inspired by elves, or unicorns, or vampires. Like I said, I'm just curious. What is it about those things that loads of other people dig?
iv) I don't understand pretension. The need to put on airs to make yourself appear better than you are - get over yourself. I think I'd like to understand why people feel the need to be pretentious (although obviously, they'd never be able to admit to being so) but it would only be so I can laugh harder at them. I'd like to be able to laugh and laugh and laugh, then wipe my eyes and say, 'You're good enough without the act. In fact, you're better without it. And you'll have more friends if you're real.' But they wouldn't listen.
v) I don't understand why people talk big and then haven't got the guts to back up their words. I don't mean by bragging. I mean by when people say things like, 'If you don't shut up, I'll belt you.'
...well. There, I said it again. So hit me.
...no? Well, if you're full of hot air, how do you expect to get any respect at all? Put up or shut up. Stop making random threats, or carry them out. One or the other.
If it isn't obvious by that, I'm the type of person who will always answer back if told to shut up for no good reason, even if it means that someone swings for me. Because I don't back down from the prospect of injury, as a rule - also, because I'm a stubborn bitch. But I will shut up if the person, a) asks nicely, b) has good reason, or c) if it really is me being the asshole and I know I'm wrong.
vi) I don't regret things I do. The reason for this is simple and can be explained thusly;
If I get the opportunity to do something and I know I'm going to regret it the next day - I don't do it.
If I get the opportunity to do something and I have no idea how it's going to turn out, I'll usually do it. If it turns out badly - how was I supposed to know? There's no point regretting an outcome you couldn't foresee. It's just one of those things that happens in life - what good will sitting around wishing you hadn't done it, do? You tried. Something went wrong. Move on. I don't understand people who don't.
vii) I don't get people who enjoy being emo over life's problems. Or maybe I do. Is it attention-seeking? Allows them to get their ego fed? Of course, they will never admit to enjoying their emo status but I fail to see how they can't realise they permanently live there, and look at what it means. These people really do my head in, actually. I want to shake them and make them see the bigger picture.
viii) I don't understand how some people think that if they admit their behaviour, it'll be excused. I know a couple of women like this, actually. They'll declare, 'I'm really shallow and self-absorbed!' as though its something to be proud of, and then proceed to talk about nothing but themselves and make no show of interest in anything else. Because they told you they were a selfish asshole, y'see, so its OK for them to be one. *eyeroll*
ix) I don't understand phobias, even though I have one. Maybe if I understood it, it'd go away? Although, I think it'd go away if I stopped pandering to it anyway, so nevermind.
x) I don't understand racists. Ot bigots. Or homophobes. I certainly don't understand sexists, even though I probably am one (against my own gender no less, *gasp!*).
xi) I don't understand how people can write the most personal of things on their lj's. But then (in the case of my own journal), I tend to think that anything beyond the superficial is too much information to post. Yes, I'll admit that I like reading about other people's lives and what they think. I just don't get how it's shared so easily.
So yeah, if anyone can help me out with any of that, I'd 'preciate it.
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Date: 2006-11-18 12:55 am (UTC)3)I don't get the whole vampires, witches/wizards kinda fandoms.
8)I think it's great when people admit to their flaws. I'm not proud, per se, that i'm immoral. But I am (immoral). So when I do come to screw you over, you shouldn't be too shocked about it. But yeah, it does annoy when people boast about it. I don't tend to boast (it's not a good thing to have very little morals) but it's just me.
9) I have a phobia of eyes. I don't understand it. But it fucking freaks me out to extremes.
11) I've known you for a year or so and I know very liitle about your personal life, and you mine. It's not just a LJ thing. I don't speak about personal things to anyone.
10) I can't understand it either....it's a little odd.
Anyhoo. Just the ones that stuck out at me.
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Date: 2006-11-18 01:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-18 01:03 am (UTC)Phobias are things that frighten you or set you on edge even if they're totally innocous like say, showers because you saw Psycho. A lot of them tie into fear of death.
I do not write nearly as much as I should and mostly save information for IMs.
I'm impressed with the not regretting thing but most of the things you listed I don't quite get either, especially the insane emoness of the world/people for mostly no good reason. People with a good reason are excused.
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Date: 2006-11-18 01:12 am (UTC)ii) *nodnod* I know what phobias are. I just don't understand why people have them. Or keep them, rather. Fear of death makes sense but I don't see how fostering a fear of spiders will help you calm your nerves over biting the big one. If people are going to be scared of death...just be scared of death, you know?
iii) I don't think it's a question of 'should' - people write as much or as little as they feel comfortable with. I just don't get how people can write some of the things they do. I'm not complaining about it because they're mostly interesting reading and its a good chance to connect with your cyber-buddies a little. But the how they do it - that still baffles me.
iv) Aye, the world is totally emo. Teenagers have possibly always been so but I've never known the trend to be as actively encouraged as it seems to be at the moment. It's annoying.
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Date: 2006-11-18 01:27 am (UTC)It's not really calming nerves, it's more a connection - they're hard to explain really, but they can be rational or completely off the wall.
Welll, for me it's *should*, as I know that I'm not saying as much as I could and mostly that's because of exhaustion and the "I've already said this ten times in IM!" But then again, I also suck at writing about myself.
The world is so emo, teenagers yeah but lately older people too and a lot of it has to do with a feeling of being trapped or unable to exact change. I think.
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Date: 2006-11-18 01:36 am (UTC)No no, I do know what they are. I'm not explaining myself very well, I think. Phobias can be be crazy as hell but ultimately, it's all in the mind. I suppose I'm curious about why people choose to live with them rather than thinking about it rationally and determining that, in reality, there's nothing to be afraid of.
I don't think you suck at writing anything!
You're right. It's depressing. And I guess it's just another way of dealing with shit - some people get angry, some ignore it, some get emo. I just think that option 3 of that list is the most pointless.
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Date: 2006-11-18 01:53 am (UTC)It's not really a choice....I have OCD and there are ways to get rid of it but what it requires, that constant feeling of uncertainty, of never being entirely sure, of having to get beyond your own obsessions, it's scary and difficult and goes back to that question of guts maybe. Phobias are irrational almost by nature. It's easy to think rationally about it and still be terrified.
Aw, thank you (wasn't fishing for compliments or anything), but I really do. It's why I can't write beyond fanfic sometimes because it gets too close to me.
I think ignoring it's not too great either, i'm not sure any of the three are that great an option.
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Date: 2006-11-18 02:14 am (UTC)I do understand. I've had obsessional tendencies for years - mine manifest mostly in obsessional handwashing, the need for everything to be at right angles on a table and the inability to cope with unevenness in touch, eg, if I brush a wall with my left hand, I have to do it with my right as well. And I've had these things forever. Also, loose change. If it's on a table, it has to be stacked according to size and always tails facing up. The reason I don't think I have OCD is because it only gets unbearably bad when I'm stressed out and also I've had them, and the rest of them, so long that they're now just part of everyday life. It's obsessive and stupid but I've just amalgamated it into life and things move on.
None of those three options are great. The best would be for people to get pissed off and do something about it but I doubt that notion's going to catch on in the majority. And I can't talk, as I'm not about to revolutionise the world or anything.
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Date: 2006-11-18 02:23 am (UTC)I dunno, if you've incorporated it into your life, then it's part of your life. It's when it starts controlling lives that it needs to be fixed (likek for instance people who are convinced they have AIDS and get AIDS tests every day).
A lot of people are ticked off and happy with the status quo, but there's also a kind of entropy.
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Date: 2006-11-18 01:24 am (UTC)iii) Speaking for myself, I don't know. I don't know why I've been drawn to vampires and the occult and things of that nature basically my entire life. I know a good part of at one point was simply the desire to be something else. Not just special or different, but different, because I thought if I was different in some strange and odd way, I'd find the place I belong, because I don't really feel like I belong among people. I suppose in my case it tends to relate to i).
...and I more or less agree on the rest so I won't comment on those.
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Date: 2006-11-18 01:46 am (UTC)ii) *nods* Aye, that would make sense. Fantasy as escapism from reality, etc. Hmmm, though. It's odd, to me. I suppose I just figure that reality is most often stranger than fantasy - but also a lot more depressing, it can't be denied.
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Date: 2006-11-18 01:25 am (UTC)And I blame the current music trends for the all-pervading emo that has taken over the western world. And also maybe all the current affair issues informing us of how we're all gonna die.
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Date: 2006-11-18 01:49 am (UTC)Music is certainly a factor, I would say. And people are depressed by the real world so they run away from it into music and emo-ness?
...well. That'll help.
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Date: 2006-11-18 01:33 am (UTC)With regards to vampires, I may be able to shed a bit of light on that. Joel Schumacher said it best when he did the commentary on Lost Boys - their existence is entirely based on the exchange of bodily fluids. :D They're really the only monster that can be "sexy." They have a sense of style and mystique that's associated with life and death at the same time, and along with that, there's the whole immortality thing. They're mysteries, and people have an odd attraction to what they don't understand.
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Date: 2006-11-18 01:50 am (UTC)Ahaha. You too? I don't have an armband, but my tattoo artist continually tells me that I sit better than the majority of guys he inks. My personal opinion is that women can simply take pain better than men can. So, you know, we can have babies and shit like that.
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Date: 2006-11-18 02:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-18 01:54 am (UTC)Yeah. I guess they're just a matter of taste. I can see how style is attractive - when is it ever not? - and sex would certainly play a part. I just get confused because people can be stylish and there's no shortage of sex in the world. If that's not enough, then go off-piste and get into bondage or something. I just think that people should spend less time living other people's fantasy and spend more enjoying their own, I suppose.
Wow. I just made myself sound like a total pervert or something. Oh well.
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Date: 2006-11-18 02:16 am (UTC)*suddenly needs to watch the Lost Boys again*
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Date: 2006-11-18 02:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-18 02:43 am (UTC)Re: Bridget Explains Everything (Or some things...)
Date: 2006-11-18 02:07 am (UTC)ii) Fear of the unknown, then. Common fear - but I would have thought a good way to get over it would be to face it down. As for Krav Maga - makes sense. That's you facing it down. Besides, it'd be damned awesome. :)
v) For sure, they should learn. But its intensely frustrating when they don't. They don't even realise they're showing themselves to be full of shit most of the time, from what I can gather.
vi) Regretting things not done is the worst thing ever. But I totally agree with your point about whether things would turn out better either way, in the end. Which is why I get frustrated when people moan about what they regret having done. Maybe the outcome would be worse, if you'd not done what you did. You'll never know. You made a choice, and that's it. Stop moaning and get on with life.
vii) Seriously, don't even get me started. People who can't stick up for themselves and then turn the tables on you if you call them on their behavious - gah. It's just emotional blackmail, of the sort that toddlers use on their parents. And I wish people would grow the fuck out of it.
viii) WORD!
x) This is a frustration that will never go away, for me. Because if well-read, intelligent people who live in a diverse city can't see that we're all the same in the important ways, then what else can be done? Just takes time and education, I'm sure, but it's still annoying in the meantime.
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Date: 2006-11-18 03:19 am (UTC)You're a confident woman who is grounded in reality and occasionally likes to take a trip to fantasyland, but doesn't want to live there. You believe in facing your fears, embracing life and living your life to the fullest. You mean what you say and say what you mean. When you see people, you see the person - not the color of their skin, who they're holding hands with, which religion they practise, or anything else. I think that's awesome. Tis one of the many reasons I like you.
Tis something the people you don't understand can only aspire to.
Now, about vampires, and maybe werewolves, too: it strikes me that vampires and werewolves are very Freudian. Life/Death, Love/Hate, all combined in one. Very odd, that. And no, I'm not a vampire fan. Just struck me as curious.
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Date: 2006-11-18 10:40 pm (UTC)Aha! Freud. Well...hmmm. It occurs to me that I know next to nothing about his theories apart from saying that everything's related to sex and we all want to shag our parents. Or something along those lines. I think. But it's interesting that so many people are saying there's a link between fantasy immortality and our own lives/deaths. Something to think on, that.
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Date: 2006-11-18 08:10 am (UTC)They're metaphors, mostly. Vampires especially are giant great one dimensional metaphors for sex. See the exchange of bodily fluids. See the preying on young maidens. See the 'can only come if invited' which shifts the blame on to the victim (patriarchal condemnation of rape victims). See the eternal youth representing sexual allure and instant gratification. From Dracula's adultery to Buffy's evil boyfriend to Anne Rice's porn, they're metaphors for sex.
And metaphors are interesting to explore in their own right.
Fairies I don't understand, personally. I'm interested in folklore to an extent, but I've never seen the appeal of pretty little flower fairies. But from what I've seen, I think it's a commune with nature thing, the Gaia concept, anthropomorphing plants and flowers in order to put a face on the mystery of the botanic world. Could be wrong, though.
And werewolves. Ah, werewolves. I've been thinking I should write an actual post about this, because they're my weak spot. In one respect it's a way of anthropomorphing the animal world, mixing man with wolf, known as a good hunter and a loyal family member, and associated in mythology with both food and fertility.
But I also think there's something else about my fascination in particular: it's about control. Some werewolves (the Sue-y Anita Blake ones) have complete control over their bodies and their shape. They represent an ideal clumsy un-bendy idiots like me find romantic.
Others have little or no control over their shape or (more importantly) the animal drives represented by 'the wolf'. This lack-of-control when handled right provides an interesting playground for moral issues about responsibility and liability (parallels for drug use, hormones, strong emotions, etc).
Why are metaphors appealing over the reality? Because there's subtlety and layering to the metaphor that you can't get if you say out right "this is what I'm dealing with".
e.g. If you show real humans dealing with sexuality issues, you show real humans dealing with sexuality issues.
If you show a dwarf dealing with the issue of her real gender, you show people dealing with sexuality issues. You show societal opinions surrounding gender roles. You show the struggle of a multicultural society dealing with the conflict between those cultures. You deal with gay rights, gender identity and religious conflict. AND you get to make jokes about why there were no girl dwarfs in Lord of the Rings.
11. I don't understand how society draws lines between what's accaptable and what's not. I talk about what I'm thinking, feeling and going through. That's why I have the journal. I'm uncomfortable with not sharing, it feels like hiding, and that feels like being dishonest.
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Date: 2006-11-18 11:01 pm (UTC)Fairies - I'd never thought of them in that way before, really. The Gaia concept is something that's fascinated me since I heard about it (which was flicking channels at about 4am one morning and hearing some Open University dudes talking about it. Awesome stuff) and I've really related fairies to the biological world. Apart from astronomy, the sciences don't hold my attention that well which might explain my lack of thought on the matter. But that's an interesting way to see them.
I get that metaphors are an interesting way to reflect on human life - as I posted in a comment to someone else, the reason I like Pratchett and his fantasy characters is a) because he characterises so well and makes me laugh, and b) because he uses the characters and different species to comment on humanity. It's clearly relatable to real life. But when it comes down to it, I'd rather watch a movie about human interaction and the morality presented therein, than watch one about werevolves. It seems to me to disassociate the issue a little, to use other creatures to represent something. How do we ever know that people will watch and think about the morality in terms of themselves? But, of course, that's just personal preference. Human drives and emotions and liability etc are what fascinate me - perhaps because I don't understand restraint all that well, or responsibility. Though I do value personal accountability.
xi) This point - I really didn't want to come across as thinking that I believe it's a question of acceptibilty, so I'm sorry if it did. I don't think writing anything down is 'unacceptable'. These journals are for personal use and it's up to each individual to write exactly what they want to. I have little use for what society thinks is 'acceptable'. That point was just in there because sometimes I envy people who can come out and talk like that. Especially when they come across in a forthright, non-emo way. I agree that not sharing feels like dishonesty, which is why I'll answer any question put to me and do it honestly. I have nothing to hide and nothing to be ashamed of. I just can't sit down and write about thing that are very personal without a reason why I should do it. Maybe it's a form of insecurity. It just tends to feel like I'm putting shit out there that people may not be interested in and skip over, and then I've lost a part of myself that I can't get back. Whereas if I'm asked a question I'll answer it without problem and if someone wants advice, I'll offer a personal experience as an example of possible outcomes to a problem/solution to a worry etc. That make sense? I really didn't mean to imply that I find reading people's personal stuff 'unacceptable', because I don't. Those are the posts that are the most interesting.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-19 07:24 pm (UTC)So fairies, to me, represent the little-girl perfection that you can only ever imagine. Unicorns too, in a way, especially with the mythological maiden/virginity tie ins.
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Date: 2006-11-18 08:15 pm (UTC)iii) also the fear of life and death, immortality as a way to deal with the inevitable, myths are used trying to explain, what can't be explained.
very very interesting topics, unfortunately have to leave for my vampire RP :)
take care
no subject
Date: 2006-11-18 11:04 pm (UTC)Yeah. Other people have said similar things and I think I'm getting to realise why vampires and werewolves etc don't hold interest for me like that. I prefer to look at those issues from the perspective of being human. But that isn't to say that using fantasy as a way of looking at it isn't equally valid, because it is. I guess it's just personal preference.
Take care also! :)
no subject
Date: 2006-11-19 06:50 pm (UTC)ii) I go out of my way to avoid pain, because I don't like how out of control it makes me feel. Being paintballing friday is my example. It was my first time, and I got shot in the neck. It made ALL my flight/fight/freeze instincts hit off, made me flinch, and my heart start pounding and eyes water. That rush of instincts/adrenaline is something I HATE experiencing, and leaves me feeling jumpy.
iii) For me, fandom is an escape from RL. I don't need to hear about people angsting, I read fantasy/scifi because I WANT to think about something else, most of the time. That being said, I'm not really a part of any organized fandoms, as it were, I just have books I like more than others.
iv) I put on pretensions to cover my insecurities, when I do. I like to think it's infrequently.
v) I never threaten people, so NO idea. Mind you, I'm in Canada, where I've NEVER heard someone threatened with a punch. Not in the street, clubs, schools, work, bars, NOTHING.
vi) I regret things I SAY, because I occasionally get too angry and say things I mean, but shouldn't have said. I don't regret things I do, though.
vii) No idea. I know I can get emo, but mostly related to PMS or the fact that I have a very UP-down personality. It's usually the result of an emotional crash.
viii) If I ever admit a behaviour, it's because I'm trying to change it. I'm just crap at changing. That's what I've noticed a lot of the time.
ix) My phobia comes from a specific incident when I was younger. The situation created HUGE amounts of terror in me, because an adult made a great big deal about a bee when I was four and a half. My emotional memory still connects that TERROR response (taught to me by the lunatic teacher) with bees. THus, phobia. Same thing for my arachnophobe friend, who had a colony of spiders in a pair of pants she put on that all started biting her legs.
x) Parents tell you something is true, you believe it. Even a prejudice. Especially a prejudice.
xi) I write the most personal things on my LJ, because it's a safe-zone. ONE person from RL, who's my very, very closest friend, and I don't mind knowing. The internet is a forum that's essentially safe. I mean, I love you guys, but you're still text on a screen. Information I feel I don't have someone to talk to/tell about in RL is stuff I can share online. It doesn't have the vulnerability a person to person conversation does.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-19 11:17 pm (UTC)ii) *nodnod* That's a perfectly valid reason, in my opinion. Because you know what it feels like, and you hate it. It's the people that have no clue and refuse to put themselves in a position to find out, ever, that confuse me.
iii) I think fandom is awesome! And for exactly the reason you describe (as long as I keep myself aware that I'm consciously escaping and not just doing it blindly).
iv) I'll point to the bit in brackets above. I think the whole difference with people that are well-balanced (even if they don't think they are) is that they can be aware of what they do, and why they do it. It's the people that are pretentious and do it because they genuinely believe they're better, or cooler or whatever, that make me want to scream.
v) ...never? 0_o! Man. Y'all lost the British influence somewhere along the way there. In this case, it's probably a good thing.
ix) I have to admit, if I found a colony of spiders in a pair of trousers and got bitten by them, I'd probably freak over the creatures too. That one, I feel, is justified. They all are actually - I'm just trying to figure out if they're something that can be gotten over with the use of mental will, or if it really is just an uncontrollable thing.
x) Hmmm. I'm not sure I agree with that one. Because my mother is mildly rascist, in the kind of way that she'd never be openly rude to a black guy to his face but occasionally says things like, 'don't bring a black man home one day, will you?'....actually, that's not mildly rascist. That's horrible and I told her so (along with saying I'd get with whoever the hell I liked, naturally) but you know what I mean? She's quietly prejudiced - perhaps that's why her opinion on such things never coloured me much. I like to think that I wouldn't be influenced had she been more outspoken in my youth but I'll never know, now.
xi) Aye. It's understandable. I think I quake at the prospect for that very reason. If people are just text on a screen, there's no way of gauging true reactions to news, y'know? I mean, I'd trust what my close online buds typed out in response because I like to think that we've been chatting enough for y'all to be honest. At the same time, I don't know - therefore its hard. I think that in RL interaction, you can get the true feel of whether its safe to tell a person something or not. For me personally, anyway.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-19 11:29 pm (UTC)Like, I definitely hold political views that my parents don't. Because I've been raised in a world of media, gone to a school, expanded my mind my own way and so on. But I do think that beliefs are handed down by the atmosphere/environment around you, and a good deal of that begins with the parents. ESPECIALLY something as currently controversial as racism.
Like, you're relatively likely to find a person whose parents are racist (my dad, for example) but unlikely to meet a child whose parents are like 'stop being such a racist' at the age of twenty seven, or something.
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Date: 2006-11-20 12:01 am (UTC)But then of course, there are the ones that never think past their upbringing and the prejudicies of their parents, and think it's OK say awful things. And those people, I just don't even bother with because they're not worth it.