(no subject)

[fightingthecage]

This is a post of personal opinion. It is aimed at no one in particular and comes mainly from the fact that there are things I don't understand. And when there are things I don't understand, I like to figure them out.

I would say that this is a disclaimer, to ensure people don't take offence - but I'm not going to put a disclaimer on my own opinion (apart from the fact that by saying that, I think I probably just did. Ah well. Life goes on).


i) I don't hate myself. I don't understand people who hate themselves. It seems like such a complete and utter waste of time to me. Life is short, why spend it in self-loathing? It's not like you're ever going to be able to get away from your problems by despising yourself - quite the opposite in fact. I suppose it's sometimes explained by low self-esteem due to abuse of some sort and that's utterly understandable. What I truly don't get is why there are young attractive people, who have everything going for them, complaining about thinking they're crap. Maybe what confuses me more is the sheer volume of these people that seem to be around. When did the world get so emo?

ii) I don't understand people who don't want to experience things, even things deemed as 'bad'. For example, pain. OK, most people don't willingly invite pain into their lives and that's probably a good thing. On the other hand - what's so scary about it? It goes away. Deal with it. The amount of times people have looked at my tattoos and said, 'I really want one but I know it'll hurt!'...well, yeah. It does, a bit. But my last one was done five years ago - am I crying about it right now? No. I didn't even cry when it was happening because it wasn't that bad and there's nothing to be afraid of.

I used to do martial arts. There were a few women training also, and they never really got hit. They used to stare at me when the guys smacked me and ask if I wasn't mad about that - I explained that no, I'd asked to be treated equally. What's the point of learning to fight if you have no idea what a punch feels like? You can do all the shit in the world but if you'll fold in shock the moment a punch lands, you're screwed. I wanted to explain to the other chicks that they're not as weak as they think they are, but what right have I got to tell them what to think? Their bodies, it's up to them. I just don't get it.

I will add to this one - I am talking about physical pain. Other kinds of pain are not for me to comment upon.

iii) I don't understand fandoms based around fairies or werewolves or vampires. Which is fine, because everyone likes different things. But could someone please explain the attraction to me? I'm quite dense, sometimes, at not seeing what's right in front of my face and there's every chance I'm missing what seems to be obvious to so many others.

I should add that this point probably comes from my mood. Anyone remember that post I made ages ago about being crap at fandom? A variation of this hit again today, because reading other journals where people squee about a variety of different shows/genres makes me feel dreadfully mundane. I like things that make me think. I like things that blow up and have hot guys in them (even better if all these things are in the same movie/book/show, natch). I like things that move me to tears, or inspire me to want to do something, or make me want to party or even make me emo...the point being, the moods are always inspired by something human. I don't get inspired by elves, or unicorns, or vampires. Like I said, I'm just curious. What is it about those things that loads of other people dig?

iv) I don't understand pretension. The need to put on airs to make yourself appear better than you are - get over yourself. I think I'd like to understand why people feel the need to be pretentious (although obviously, they'd never be able to admit to being so) but it would only be so I can laugh harder at them. I'd like to be able to laugh and laugh and laugh, then wipe my eyes and say, 'You're good enough without the act. In fact, you're better without it. And you'll have more friends if you're real.' But they wouldn't listen.

v) I don't understand why people talk big and then haven't got the guts to back up their words. I don't mean by bragging. I mean by when people say things like, 'If you don't shut up, I'll belt you.'

...well. There, I said it again. So hit me.

...no? Well, if you're full of hot air, how do you expect to get any respect at all? Put up or shut up. Stop making random threats, or carry them out. One or the other.

If it isn't obvious by that, I'm the type of person who will always answer back if told to shut up for no good reason, even if it means that someone swings for me. Because I don't back down from the prospect of injury, as a rule - also, because I'm a stubborn bitch. But I will shut up if the person, a) asks nicely, b) has good reason, or c) if it really is me being the asshole and I know I'm wrong.

vi) I don't regret things I do. The reason for this is simple and can be explained thusly;

If I get the opportunity to do something and I know I'm going to regret it the next day - I don't do it.

If I get the opportunity to do something and I have no idea how it's going to turn out, I'll usually do it. If it turns out badly - how was I supposed to know? There's no point regretting an outcome you couldn't foresee. It's just one of those things that happens in life - what good will sitting around wishing you hadn't done it, do? You tried. Something went wrong. Move on. I don't understand people who don't.

vii) I don't get people who enjoy being emo over life's problems. Or maybe I do. Is it attention-seeking? Allows them to get their ego fed? Of course, they will never admit to enjoying their emo status but I fail to see how they can't realise they permanently live there, and look at what it means. These people really do my head in, actually. I want to shake them and make them see the bigger picture.

viii) I don't understand how some people think that if they admit their behaviour, it'll be excused. I know a couple of women like this, actually. They'll declare, 'I'm really shallow and self-absorbed!' as though its something to be proud of, and then proceed to talk about nothing but themselves and make no show of interest in anything else. Because they told you they were a selfish asshole, y'see, so its OK for them to be one. *eyeroll*

ix) I don't understand phobias, even though I have one. Maybe if I understood it, it'd go away? Although, I think it'd go away if I stopped pandering to it anyway, so nevermind.

x) I don't understand racists. Ot bigots. Or homophobes. I certainly don't understand sexists, even though I probably am one (against my own gender no less, *gasp!*).

xi) I don't understand how people can write the most personal of things on their lj's. But then (in the case of my own journal), I tend to think that anything beyond the superficial is too much information to post. Yes, I'll admit that I like reading about other people's lives and what they think. I just don't get how it's shared so easily.


So yeah, if anyone can help me out with any of that, I'd 'preciate it.

Comments

[innerbrat]

3. Don't lump the three. Certainly don't lump them all into a 'non-human' group, because that's not fair on the genre or the fans. See how most people commenting so far have only explained their interest in vampires?

They're metaphors, mostly. Vampires especially are giant great one dimensional metaphors for sex. See the exchange of bodily fluids. See the preying on young maidens. See the 'can only come if invited' which shifts the blame on to the victim (patriarchal condemnation of rape victims). See the eternal youth representing sexual allure and instant gratification. From Dracula's adultery to Buffy's evil boyfriend to Anne Rice's porn, they're metaphors for sex.
And metaphors are interesting to explore in their own right.

Fairies I don't understand, personally. I'm interested in folklore to an extent, but I've never seen the appeal of pretty little flower fairies. But from what I've seen, I think it's a commune with nature thing, the Gaia concept, anthropomorphing plants and flowers in order to put a face on the mystery of the botanic world. Could be wrong, though.

And werewolves. Ah, werewolves. I've been thinking I should write an actual post about this, because they're my weak spot. In one respect it's a way of anthropomorphing the animal world, mixing man with wolf, known as a good hunter and a loyal family member, and associated in mythology with both food and fertility.
But I also think there's something else about my fascination in particular: it's about control. Some werewolves (the Sue-y Anita Blake ones) have complete control over their bodies and their shape. They represent an ideal clumsy un-bendy idiots like me find romantic.
Others have little or no control over their shape or (more importantly) the animal drives represented by 'the wolf'. This lack-of-control when handled right provides an interesting playground for moral issues about responsibility and liability (parallels for drug use, hormones, strong emotions, etc).

Why are metaphors appealing over the reality? Because there's subtlety and layering to the metaphor that you can't get if you say out right "this is what I'm dealing with".
e.g. If you show real humans dealing with sexuality issues, you show real humans dealing with sexuality issues.
If you show a dwarf dealing with the issue of her real gender, you show people dealing with sexuality issues. You show societal opinions surrounding gender roles. You show the struggle of a multicultural society dealing with the conflict between those cultures. You deal with gay rights, gender identity and religious conflict. AND you get to make jokes about why there were no girl dwarfs in Lord of the Rings.

11. I don't understand how society draws lines between what's accaptable and what's not. I talk about what I'm thinking, feeling and going through. That's why I have the journal. I'm uncomfortable with not sharing, it feels like hiding, and that feels like being dishonest.

[fightingthecage.livejournal.com]

I didn't mean to lump the three to suggest that someone that's into one of those things, is into all of them. And I certainly didn't mean to imply that I thought those three things are the same, or even similar. By naming them in one point, I was just naming three things that I personally don't understand and saving space by doing it all in one 'breath', as it were.

Fairies - I'd never thought of them in that way before, really. The Gaia concept is something that's fascinated me since I heard about it (which was flicking channels at about 4am one morning and hearing some Open University dudes talking about it. Awesome stuff) and I've really related fairies to the biological world. Apart from astronomy, the sciences don't hold my attention that well which might explain my lack of thought on the matter. But that's an interesting way to see them.

I get that metaphors are an interesting way to reflect on human life - as I posted in a comment to someone else, the reason I like Pratchett and his fantasy characters is a) because he characterises so well and makes me laugh, and b) because he uses the characters and different species to comment on humanity. It's clearly relatable to real life. But when it comes down to it, I'd rather watch a movie about human interaction and the morality presented therein, than watch one about werevolves. It seems to me to disassociate the issue a little, to use other creatures to represent something. How do we ever know that people will watch and think about the morality in terms of themselves? But, of course, that's just personal preference. Human drives and emotions and liability etc are what fascinate me - perhaps because I don't understand restraint all that well, or responsibility. Though I do value personal accountability.

xi) This point - I really didn't want to come across as thinking that I believe it's a question of acceptibilty, so I'm sorry if it did. I don't think writing anything down is 'unacceptable'. These journals are for personal use and it's up to each individual to write exactly what they want to. I have little use for what society thinks is 'acceptable'. That point was just in there because sometimes I envy people who can come out and talk like that. Especially when they come across in a forthright, non-emo way. I agree that not sharing feels like dishonesty, which is why I'll answer any question put to me and do it honestly. I have nothing to hide and nothing to be ashamed of. I just can't sit down and write about thing that are very personal without a reason why I should do it. Maybe it's a form of insecurity. It just tends to feel like I'm putting shit out there that people may not be interested in and skip over, and then I've lost a part of myself that I can't get back. Whereas if I'm asked a question I'll answer it without problem and if someone wants advice, I'll offer a personal experience as an example of possible outcomes to a problem/solution to a worry etc. That make sense? I really didn't mean to imply that I find reading people's personal stuff 'unacceptable', because I don't. Those are the posts that are the most interesting.

[knights-say-nih.livejournal.com]

For me, when I used to be into fairies, it was about beauty. It was the same age when I wanted ten purple unicorns all named after various kinds of purple (mauve, violet, orchid...) and a castle and a princess dress.

So fairies, to me, represent the little-girl perfection that you can only ever imagine. Unicorns too, in a way, especially with the mythological maiden/virginity tie ins.