This is what you're going to become

[fightingthecage]

SPN.

Right.

Yeah.

Is it Thursday yet?



First off 4x19. It...made me really sad to start off with. I found Dean's denial, and eventual reconciliation to it, painful and I couldn't really give a toss about how Adam felt. The quite obvious feeling that John had cared enough to try and give Adam a life, while very likely going to visit the kid and leaving Deam looking after Sam, was raw. And then as he got used to the idea, he wanted to carry on what John had done? Dean is the man.

Sam? Fuck I don't even know what to say about Sam. For one shining moment, I thought that he was telling Adam about the life in the hope that Adam would do what Sam had once done - run away. After Dean pointed out this re-run of history, I was waiting for Sam to wink and go, 'ssh, that's the idea. He'll go, we'll fix it and it'll all be OK'.

And then he didn't. And I'm left looking at Sam going a) who are you and b) fuck yeah, this is the moment we've been waiting for. This is where everyone gets to stop pretending - to everyone else, or just to themselves - that Sam is alright and the family is still together and they're going to fight this war as brothers. They are clearly not. And it was painful.

When it was revealed that Adam was already dead, I was sad again. It's definitely neater, from a story point of view. But it's sad. Also? I couldn't understand all the close-ups of Sam's blood dripping away and why they were focusing so much on it. I was all, 'OK he's bleeding, we get it.

...OK, we still get it. Wtf?'

And then came 4x20 and it all made sense.

Castiel is hotter than Jimmy, but both are still beautiful.

I loved this ep and thought it was bouncing along quite nicely as filler/backstory before the finale came up. We find out more about Cas maybe and there's a fight and yadda yadda, brilliant.

AND THEN DEAN SAW SAM DRINKING BLOOD AND THEY LOCKED HIM IN BOBBY'S FALLOUT SHELTER AND THE PREVIEW WAS OMFG WHAT?!

I really don't know what to say about this. Uhhh. I find it heartbreaking that Dean can't just say, 'Sam, why?' (even through a reinforced metal door would be OK) and get an honest answer. And if he ever did get that honest answer, it's even more heartbreaking that Sam wouldn't be able to see why it's fucked up and it wouldn't make a difference anyway. It's like one of those situations where you tell a lie to a friend to try not to hurt them about something bigger - and when they find out about the something bigger, they don't thank you for protecting them because the lie you told hurt them worse. And they can't forget about the lie. So you're trying to help and trying to explain why you wanted to help but they can't hear you anymore because you hurt them. And it's all a mess of frustration and sometimes, people don't recover from that. Even if they stop the Apocalypse, how can they ever fix this?

Thing is though, I'm kind of on Sam's side here, even after the McCrazyPants in 4x19. Even though he's drinking demon blood, it's not like he's gone off the reservation so far that he's a) wanting to become a demon or b) killing random people (I hope I don't live to regret saying a) there). He has, in fact, only used the power to kill demons and help Dean and Castiel so far. So I'm not sure they're justified in locking him up like that - what frustrates me most is...well, I already said it. Sam could explain and Dean wouldn't listen.

Augh, I don't know. I'm rambling. But that was awesome, yo.


I'm going to talk about the preview now, briefly - I'll whitetext for anyone who doesn't want to know.


Dean swearing service to Heaven? Uh....OK THEN! I am thinking that he would not agree to that if he hadn't just locked his brother up in a demon-trap dungeon. Heaven filling the gap left by Sam? Giving him a purpose and sense of direction again? Dean Dean Dean, this is possibly not the way to go. Will S5 be about you fighting the legions of demons led by your brother, who would be alright if you just let him explain everything? I think so.


I am looking forward to seeing where all this goes. Yes.