The Associations

[fightingthecage]

I was going to catch up on 24 tonight but there is rugby on TV and so, I shall finish this meme instead. No doubt this will be loooonng...

From shellebelle


1. Motherhood

It's weird. Yes. I mean, I know I'm a mother and I love Evie more than anything else ever, bar none. But it's still weird to think of myself as a mother, y'know?

I've already written about Evie and how fabulous she is so in this one, I'll write about the aspects I don't like so much. There aren't many. The main one is everyone else's reaction. When I went back to work, my mates there quite obviously saw me as a mother before anything else. They rarely ask me to go out any more, not just because they know (now, they didn't know at first) that I cant but because they assume I won't want to/will be busy/am too old now. I'm seen as a different person and I don't like that because I've hardly changed at all.

On occasion, I would like to be able to have a day where I don't have to finish everything I'm doing on a deadline because I have lunch/dinner to prepare, pick-ups from nursery, she's woken up from her nap. I'd like to be able, just sometimes, to stay up late and know that I won't be woken up at 7am (though I know I'm lucky she sleeps as well as she does). But those are only small things. There's nothing in the world better than my daughter. And the weird thing is is that the second she was first deposited on my stomach in the hospital, it was like she'd always been there. I couldn't imagine not having her near and I can never imagine not having her - that's something too awful to comprehend. So while I might whinge to myself sometimes, motherhood is pretty damn awesome. You never know how much you can love until you have a child.

2. 24

I love it! I don't love it as much as I used to...I'm not sure why, actually. Perhaps just because its not a novelty anymore. I love Jack as much as ever because a) he's gorgeous and b) it's still interesting to see what he goes through. I won't elaborate on him here because I'm asked about him further down this post. Suffice to say, the format of 24 keeps me gripped and I love the way all the storylines intertwine and can keep you on tenterhooks from so many different angles at once. There's always something to talk or think about.

3. Dreams (your own or whatever you want)

I'm not sure if this is meant literally or the kind of future dreams. So I'll briefly do both. Literal sleep-dreams - omg, I love them. Becuase they're always vivid and interesting and frequently feature fandom people. And I usually remember them...also, I've had premonition dreams in the past. And I don't like nightmares because the things that scare me are the sort of things you don't want to dream about and then wake up in the dark on your own.

Non-literal dreams...hmmm. I don't have as many as I used to. That's what happens when you're forced to stay in one place; at least, that's what happens to me. I dream of finishing my book and being able to write for a living (though not as much as I used to). I dream of one day making more money every month than I need, so I've got some left over to do fun stuff with. I dream of Evie going to private school and being happy and travelling with her and giving her good things. And I dream of findng a job I actually enjoy, and doing it well.

...at least some of these have a chance of coming true? If I get my degree, at least. I've noticed that I don't tend to dream of the improbable anymore.

4. RP

RP EATS MY BRAIN! I love it because of the instant gratification aspect. You don't have to labour over long chapters and characterisation and plot. You just EP, get yourself in the headspace and go. With pups like Ramon, it's easy. Lazy, no doubt. But fun. And the people at the bar are so much fun and there's always someone up for some plot. SO yeah, I love it - though as I said in a previous entry on this meme, I do lament the loss of my fic writing to it.

5. Whaddaya wanna do with your life? (I wanna ROCK!)

At this point, I just want to finish college with top grades. Should be easily doable. Then I want to go to Uni and do well - and I feel optimistic this time. One of the advantages of having Evie is that I no longer have to work full time. So I can work part time and actually focus on studying when I'm there. Plus, I'm settled now. I can't take my student loan and bugger off to America the way I used to. And I won't get anywhere if I don't get a degree now.

After that, I'd like to join the Civil Service. Might be difficult, what with having a criminal record and everything, but that should be clear by the time I graduate. I'll also be out of debt by then (student loans dont count) so I'll be able to start with a clean slate.

Other than that, I want to work and write and save money so that in the school holidays I can show Evie the world. That might be #1 of things I want these days. I want her to have broad horizons and the only way for her to get those is to show them to her.


From shadowofdoubt


1. Kiefer

Yum. Yum yum yum. That is what I think of Kiefer. He's adorable and hot and loves music and drinks and smokes and parties. He ran away from home when he was 15 and worked his ass off to be an actor. He had stupid 80's hair when he was younger and was my first ever movie star crush. He was a cowboy, for fuck's sake. He's made some truly sucktastic movies and never seems to learn from his mistakes. Plus, did I mention he's hot as hell? He's hot as hell.

2. Slash

It's hot. And I don't know, I find it beautiful, in ways that I don't find with het stuff. Perhaps its because everyone is surrounded with het their whole lives; it's the 'norm'. So slash has the benefit of being...not taboo, because it's not any more. Mainstream might be the word I'm looking for. It's not mainstream and is something not enjoyed by everyone.

I don't know. I don't know why I like it. I just find it hot and sad and gorgeous and happy and *shrug* Yeah.

3. England

This royal throne of kings, this sceptred isle,
This earth of majesty, this seat of Mars,
This other Eden, demi-paradise,
This fortress built by Nature for herself
Against infection and the hand of war,
This happy breed of men, this little world,
This precious stone set in the silver sea,
Which serves it in the office of a wall
Or as a moat defensive to a house,
Against the envy of less happier lands,--
This blessed plot, this earth, this realm, this England.

Ahhh, if only it were like that now. That's how I like to think of England but in truth, it's more than a bit crap these days. It's too small, too cramped, too wet, the people are too negative (heh, listen to me...) and our standing in the world pretty much depends on the US. And I never identify as being English...well, because I'm not. I'm half Irish and so, will always call myself British.

Having said all that, England is not the worst place in the world to live. We have good things - history and castles and hills and literature and museums and a kickass capital city. We have a fantastic sense of humour and free healthcare (such as it is) and even get TV shows right occasionally. And make good movies too, when we have the money.

Eh. I hope I don't live here all my life. But it's home and while I can't wait to leave, I'll always visit.

4. Jack Bauer

How can anyone not love Jack? THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO DONT AND I DONT GET IT. So he tortures people when he has to. So he blows shit up and exectued a woman (hello, she murdered his wife!) and got addicted to heroin and will do anything to achieve his objective. That's why I like him.

I've got a thing about people dealing with impossible situations and that's what he does all the time. He does his best. Sometimes he fails but he tries and it's easy to criticise when you're not the person having to do that shit. He's been put through hell and put himself through hell and he's still standing, just about. Got to give him props for that. He's my favourite ever TV character and pretty much the benchmark for every other hero (anti-hero?) on the screen, I would say.

Plus, he's gorgeous and his ass looks great in jeans.

SPN.

SPN is like the annoying younger brother. You sort of love it but also wish it would just grow up a bit. *sigh* I don't know. I do love it but it hardly ever grabs me tight and drags me to the edge of my seat the way I wish it would; the way 24 still does. Let me clarify; I love Dean. I love the concept. I love the Impala and the music and the backstory. I love John and Castiel and Bobby.

Sam...well, Sam is the annoying younger brother. And this problem is entirely my own Thing - when my favourite character doesn't get the props he deserves, I get pissed off. And Dean's my favourite. Sam gets the special treatment because of his powers and we're all wondering why he's Special...fucking hell, I just want someone to make it alright for Dean. Partly, I think, this is because I feel there's something off about their dynamic (written this way on purpose, I feel!)...I always feel like Dean is the more devoted. Perhaps that's stating the obvious. Dean does what he does for the people he saves but also for his dad and for Sam and because he doesn't feel like he's good enough for anything else. Sam...tells them to fuck off and goes to Stanford and Dean's left practically begging him to come back. Sam diminishes Dean, if that makes sense. Not on purpose, but he does. And because Dean's my favourite, that annoys me.

Also, it doesn't help that the thing that freaks me out more than anything is demonic possession. My enjoyment of the show is hampered by all the OMG FEAR and the way I get jittery for hours afterwards and can't watch it before bed.

Overall, I do love SPN. I just dont obsess over it and that's usually the benchmark for how much I love a show - if it takes ove rmy brainspace utterly, then it's a success. If it doesn't, it's an Almost. Y'know?


I've got one more to do but this is long enough, I think. Plus, the rugby is finished so I'm going to go watch some 24.