Bad!Fic Rant *headdesk headdesk headdesk*

[fightingthecage]

Worst. Fic. Eva Liek WHOA...

OK so - I read this two days ago. And it's taken me until now to be able to say anything about it because, frankly, it's disturbing.

It's a sequel to another fic wherein Jack gets gang-raped by like, 11 dudes, and then forced to shag a couple of women, gets beaten to within an inch of life by a half-giant called Eric (also one of the rapists), forced to suck off a dude and call him 'Master', gets branded - and uhh, he gets pissed on too. After which, he goes into CTU and spends a few hours getting DNA scraped off him by a doctor - and Chase. That's just the original story.

This is worse. And it might sound strange when I tell you that...none of that happens in this fic. He doesn't get raped, not really. He's not really forced into anything. And it's worse. Much, much worse.

I really can't go into the reasons why, because there are so many and I've screamed about it with so many people now. But I'll give a few examples from a conversation between SuiteM and myself - she's a brave soul and dragged her way through it with me. I think we both ended up feeling a little sick. To add insult to the injury of the disgusting plot...the writing is so awful, it'll make you scream.

Main players: 'Jack Bauer' I put his name in inverted commas, because he's no dude I know. Vince - new Master, taken over from the old Master that Jack put in prison. A kind and benevolent man, apart from his penchant of sticking inflatable devices in people's butts as a means to keep them under control. Apart from that, he really is a decent dude. I'm not being sarcastic here, he really is. This fic really is that bad. And Drake, the second-in-command, who - for a reason that is never explained - Jack is not allowed to lay a finger on, even though he gets beaten up by him all the time.

A few reactions and samples...

suitem24 says:
This is the worst story i've ever read and i'm only midway through the first post

A later reaction....

suitem24 says:
sdfljewkljflwkejfklewjfljlkjelk this is unreal

When Drake is trying to threaten Jack into giving him a blowjob and Jack isn't allowed to fight back (there's no one physically stopping him, it's just that he promised his master y'see...)

Write says:
OMG! Look at this... He held up a dildo for Jack to see. The thing was huge. It was longer than Drake’s forearm and as large as his wrist.

I didn't know they made dildo's that big.... 0_0 I mean - what, are they trying to get an elephant off?

When Vince kidnaps him in broad daylight in a park and has him dragged into a van...

suitem24 says:
A short sting startled Jack, they were drugging him and he blacked out not long after. When he woke up, he had a bad feeling.

suitem24 says:
really jack
suitem24 says:
a bad feeling
suitem24 says:
y'know i never get those when people throw me hooded into the back of a van and drug me

And this is honestly what happens after Vince threatens to rape him. Jack breaks and will do anything to stop it. But Vince is a nice guy...

Vince approached and showed him something. It was a very slim metal tube-like object, no longer than an inch and very flat with a tiny clip at one end.
“I’m going to insert this into your body Jack, it won’t hurt and it won’t bother you if you leave it be.”

Jack started to protest, but Vince hushed him.

“I won’t hurt you unless I have to. This is my insurance until I’m certain I can trust you.”

Write says:
But as it turns out, Vince is really quite understanding

Write says:
Just shoves a balloon up his ass and lets him go

(And he really does let him go the next morning. Why Jack just doesn't take the device out of his ass, is never explained... *headdesk*)

A word on Eric...

Write says:
O..M...F...G....
Write says:
*I* just got to the worst of it.....*headdesk*
Write says:
Eric got outta the basement...took a tranquiliser gun and four guys to put him down!!

Eric is the half-giant dude that beat Jack up and raped him in the last fic. Vince has been keep him locked up in a basement cell for months like an animal. It takes Jack talking to him to return him to normal and make him a decent man again. That's it. Just talking. Jack 'gets through' to him and after that, Jack is so Eric's woobie...it's like he gets a little pet, all of his own. Awwwww....

It also proves that Jack is God. The Velvet is strong enough to turn crazed giant rapists into decent members of society again. Who knew?

" Vince isn’t anything like Reggie.”
“If you behave properly, you don’t need to be punished.”
“Will you listen to what Vince has to offer you?”

“Yes.” Eric said quietly.

My personal favourite...yes people, he leaves CTU and his life to go live with Vince and his new family. What those men actually do, is another thing that is never explained, but I was past being surprised about that at this point

Write says:
“ Where will you go?”
“Home.” Jack replied.
“Who will take care of you?”
“You will.” Jack replied with a faint smile.
Vince smiled back. Jack didn’t mean he’d go back to his own house; he would come to his new home.

Write says:
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
suitem24 says:
oh.
suitem24 says:
my.
suitem24 says:
god.
suitem24 says:
this is not jack bauer
Write says:
*cant speak*
suitem24 says:
not in a million fucking years

Further proving that Jack is God...

“You really want to rape me again, don’t you?” he asked quietly.

“That’s right you piece of shit.”
“I’m gonna ram it up your ass so far my cum is gonna run out of your fucking nose.”

Jack took half a step back, eyeing Stephen.
“I don’t think so.” he said coldly.
His punch took everybody by surprise.
It was hard and it was accurate.
The bone cracked loudly under his hand and he felt it shift.
Stephen’s head flew back upon impact and he dropped to the floor.
Dead.

Write says:
OMFG! Jack just killed someone with one punch!!
Write says:
I mean - sorry to spoil it for you dude, my excitement just got the better of me
suitem24 says:
was it the five-point-palm exploding heart technique?

Apparently Jack's really down with getting branded. And because Vince is his new found woobie, he'll let him do whatever he wants. Ain't they sweet?

“Reggie’s mark is a rabbit humping a weasel, right? And this is a fox humping the rabbit.”

“So, you’re going to put me in balance? With all due respect sir,” Jack started, barely able to hold his laughter, “people are going to think I’m a maniac.”

“You are a maniac Jack.” Vince said, slapping him on the shoulder.

Awwwww, it's so sweet to see woobie's slapping each other on the shoulder playfully like that...

Jack gets beaten to a pulp by Vince and his minions, and saved by Vince at the last minute.

“I owe you my life sir.”
“Without you, I would’ve been dead.”
"They would’ve killed me in the end, or I would’ve taken my own life.”
“Either way I owe you.”
He held out his hand and Vince took it.
He knew he would never be able to repay his debt to Vince, but he sure as hell would try.

Write says:
I simply have no words
suitem24 says:
i honestly think i'm going to be sick

...apparently Jack can't remember that if it weren't for Vince, HE WOULDN'T BE THERE IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACE!!!! *fumes*

OK, I won't drag it on any longer. I apologise for the long vent - but seriously, this fic disturbed me. Then it made me sick. Then it made me angry. Is it so hard to - y'know think about what you're writing. Think about whether any of this makes any kind of sense? Whether Jack would do any of this?

I totally haven't mentioned the bits where at the very beginning, Jack turns off his phone in the middle of a 'situation' because he can't be bothered to go to work. Or when he tells Vince he'll never compromise National Security - and then proceeds to do just that. Or when his pager from Vince buzzes to remind him its bedtime - and he drops what he's doing and goes to bed.

Or when he goes shopping for their little commune and gets boy scouts to load his car and then, after a lecture on making sure that people don't drink at the party they're having, he gives them a $100 for alcohol - and tells them to make sure that no one under 16 drinks it. Beer only, no liquor though *facepalm* Or when he gets a girlfriend. Or goes swimming with two dudes he met in a bar. Or...sorry, I could go on and on and on...I know I already have, and I apologise. You get a whole tin of cookies if you made it this far. But OMG! It's the Worst. Fic. EVER!!!

GO THERE AT YOUR PERIL!!!