fightingthecage: (Gene - LoM Team)

Omfg, I nearly, nearly just signed myself up for the Life on Mars Big Bang. And then I was all...I have failed spectacularly with everything I meant to do over the Christmas holidays, plus Uni work, plus essays, plus I'm supposed to be working on a book, PLUS I'm going to a writing festival at the end of March and will be meeting with an agent/book doctor there for opinions on work that I have yet to finish - I do not need to add to it all with fandom.



...but it'll be fuuuuuun. *unashamed whinging*

I am trying to tell myself that OK yes, after next Tuesday I have five weeks until the next essay is due and drafts of the BB aren't due until end of May, with final submission in July which is after my exams etc. So it should be doable, in theory. And the minimum word limit is 12,500 which I could do in a day, if I put my mind to it.

But then, you know. Logic doesn't apply to these things, right? They always take about ten times longer than you think. Writers out there? Help? I know there are some of you who've done Big Bangs before. Are they a massive stress or loads of fun or what?

*sits on hands*

Must. Not. Sign. Up.


In other news, I am going to this on Tuesday. And I feel a bit bad about it because while Eastenders/Holby City/Casualty/Doctors might be the 'flagship' shows (the BBC's own description, which makes me, quite frankly, WTF heavily) of the BBC...I don't actually like any of them. And...don't even really want to write on any of them though would not, of course, pass up the chance if offered it. (Which I won't be unless I actually apply for it of course, which...I don't see myself doing.) Anyway, point is - I am looking forward to it muchly but also feel a bit bad now that I'm taking up the place of someone who might really want to write for one of those shows and now can't go. Mind you, they didn't say there was a number limit so heigh ho. And any information on how to break into the industry cannot be a bad thing.

Speaking of writing, I should probably stop narrating passages to myself in my head and then failing to put them on paper, yes? I need to fix the dilemma I have when it comes to this stuff; it's difficult to think properly sitting down, so I wander and come up with stuff I know will work and then...I sit down and it disappears, or becomes jumbled. The answer is clearly to dictate it onto machine but I am literally phobic about hearing my own voice on tape (HORRIFIC) so cannot contemplate the idea.

I need to stop rambling and crack on and do things, not least a bit more reading for this sodding essay I screwed up the deadline on. Y HALO THAR VIKINGS. At least the topic is suitably bloodthirsty.  And also, hello there LJ and Beloved Friendlist! It has been far too long. I hope you are all fabulous. :D

(PLEASE, SOMEONE, TELL ME BIG BANGS ARE A BAD IDEA. PLEASE.)
fightingthecage: (WW - Leo or Gerald?)


...History, Politics and Creative Writing is a perfectly acceptable degree, right?




Heh.
fightingthecage: (WW - Jed Aboreal Stop)


Quite frankly, oh my God.

So much I planned to do today. So much not done. WHY CAN I NOT PREPARE FOR THINGS LIKE A NORMAL PERSON? It's only like, an interview that could send me to my dream Uni. The last hurdle before acceptance. Do I finsh all the books I wanted to so I could sound good? Did I fuck. No, no, I did some research on the internet, got distracted, wandered off into a mock interview in my head where everything went swimmingly and then played guitar for a bit.

What the fuck, self. Also, not packed. Laundry for baby not dried so I don't know what the hell she's going to wear while staying at mothers. Christmas Nativity to go to in the morning ('Christmas with the Aliens'. No, seriously.) so no time to catch up then. Driving down south all afternoon. Train at ungodly hour o clock on Wednesday when it'll be TOO DARK TO READ (I know from last year's experience, when I also left the prep until the last minute). And then practically straight into interview, no doubt.

What the fuck. What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck.

Proper meltdown is in progress. Fuck fuck fuck.

And when it comes down to it, I discovered this afternoon that I might be quite relieved if I don't get in. Is this genuine? Or just me setting myself up to fail already? WHAT THE FUCK, SELF?

OK. Breathing now. Will have calming fag and then start back into bloody Charles II. To think, last week I found him interesting. Right now? Couldn't give a fuck.

ETA@ I also know from last years experience that they didn't even go into detail about anything I'd read recently, just wanted to know what it was. So when it comes down to it, any prep is most likely pointless anyway. BUT STILL. I feel I should know more.
fightingthecage: (Disco Darcy)


I have been so lame at reading my flist recently and have no clue what everyone's up to. I will try to stop being so crap.

- Got my exam results today. Three A's! Got maximum marks in a few of them too. It was pretty much what I expected but I'm still chuffed, given that I missed about six weeks of classes at the beginning of the year. I've decided not to go to Uni this year but work and save up to pay for it next year - applying to Oxford again, because why not?

- Moved house last week. And it was actually pretty painless. I love my new house but will love it more when I get some rugs to cover the horrid patterned carpet (you can tell an old person used to live here by the flowery carpet and curtains, bleurgh). Evie seems to love it too and has a massive bedroom which, obviously, she doesn't appreciate yet but certainly will when she's older.

- My laptop survived an inadvertent ride in the removal van, only for me to break it the day after by getting my foot hooked in the cable and yanking it off the sofa. OK, it still works but the bit where you connect the power cable is wobbly as hell and I have to fiddle with it to get it to charge. Also, makes weird noises while plugged in as though charging it is only happening under duress. I DO NOT DIG THIS TURN OF EVENTS. Anyone know whether this sort of thing is expensive to have repaired?

Other than those things, life continues very much as normal. How you doin'?
fightingthecage: (Orgy)


My current life in bullet points, as I haven't updated in ages and...I don't know. I feel lethargic today.

- I'm moving house next week. My landlord decided to try and sell my house (ha! Good luck with that!) so didn't renew my tenancy. It kind of pissed me off a bit when I first got the letter because while this house has many problems, it does have an amazing garden for Evie. And also, ugh, packing.

But now I'm fine with it because it's been remarkably straightforward this time around. I've found a nice place close to where I work and OMG YES, the house needs nothing doing to it - no painting or repairs or anything. Heaven! And it has a lush converted attic I'm going to have for my room. And a cellar. Awesome. But no garden, BOO! Anyway, all I have to do is pack everything here and wait for the removal men. Which...I am putting off doing by updating this instead. I have a week though so I'm not stressing and even taking the opportunity to thin out my possessions. Even donating books! It's painful but has to be done.

- I hate my job. Hate it hate it hate it.

- Evie is turning into a precocious little girl and I love it. She doesn't let her lack of speaking ability hold her back in getting what she wants - she's taken to taking people's hands and dragging them to wherever she wants them to be. In the last week, she has learnt to say 'go', 'thank you' and 'all right' - this last usually delivered with a sigh when asked to pick something up, or similar. She doesn't seem to learn single words now, just two at a time. And she constantly runs around happily, yelling her head off, laughing, being cheeky as all get out...ahhh, my little girl. I do love her so. *beams*

- Things seem odd with Steve and I don't know why. Sometimes odd in a good way, sometimes bad. I can't figure it out and have given up trying.

- I am still in a quandry as to whether to go to Uni this year or not. This'll probably get a post of its own as it's complicated and I need to write it down in order to be able to work it through. I can't be bothered now though.

- One of my two New Years Resolutions this year was to start taking guitar lessons, and I have. And I love them! I can't afford the other one, which was to get my full motorbike licence. No matter, I don't believe in New Year's Resolutions anyway. But I do love my guitar, oh hell yeah. Lessons are going very well. :)

- Exam results in two weeks. Yay! I'm not worried, to be honest, but still have a chill of nervous anticipation when I think of it. I always quite like getting results and this time they should be good and will mean I haven't wasted the last three years. In an abstract sort of way, I feel chuffed with myself that I juggled a child, a job and college and will hopefully come out with top grades. On the other hand, I just did what had to be done so don't really think much of it. I just wish I could make up my mind over what to do next.

- Bloody hell, it's August. Where did this year go? In a months time, it'll be autumn and Christmas stuff will start appearing in the shops. Where the hell is the blazing summer we were promised? Bad show, England. Yet again. Bad show.

- I lost internet for five days there and as a result, read a book. I used to read two or three a week. I think that was the second full one I've read this year which makes this news worthy of a bullet point (hyphen? I don't know how to HTML bullet points) of it's own. It was a completely rubbish book but that's not the point.


OK, I'd better go pack something. Has anything interesting/brilliant/exciting been happening for anyone? Do let me know. I've been incredibly emo this month and haven't been keeping up with my flist at all. Apologies.
fightingthecage: (Disco Darcy)


Yes. Yes it is. For lo, I am done with exams! \o/!

And for the most part, I think they went very well. Which is kind of a miracle seeing as the day before the first three, I hadn't learnt anything about the topics of two of them, let alone started revision. This is what skiving massive amounts of class - and then not catching up on the missed work - gets you...frantic cramming until five in the morning and then a full day of exams after ninety minutes sleep. But! At least two of them went very well, and the other was solid enough.

Thing is, I don't learn from my mistakes. It's a thing. So when faced with an unexpected two days off work at the end of last week, did I teach myself all the work I'd missed in preperation for the exams this week? Did I fuck. And yet, they went well also. Guess I knew more than I thought I did.

So I think I've done enough to get the three A's I went back to college for in the first place. I won't be positive until I see the results in writing (eight weeks, ugh!) but given that I only need C's on all these papers to get A's overall anyway, I think I'm OK.

Which leaves me with a problem. Because since Oxford told me to get fucked, I've been thinking...weelll, I always do better when I know what to expect in a situation so the thing to do here is start at Lancaster in October, apply to Oxford again and if I get accepted this time, leave Lancaster at Christmas, work for nine months and then go to where I really want to be the year after. Sound, right? Except I got a letter from the Student Loans Company two days ago telling me that they aren't paying my tuition fees for the first two years of study. Which, y'know, D:. Because I can't really afford it - they'll give me a maintenence loan which isn't inconsiderable (I think, they didn't name a figure) but I'll have to use it to pay the £3000 of tuition.

So, for a day there I was like...shit, no Uni. I can't afford it. Maybe I'll defer for a year, get a proper job and save up. And maybe that is what I'll do. Or maybe I'll...pay for the first term at Lancaster, see whether I get into Oxford and if I do, leave, get a job etc like I planned. I mean, I'll only be £1000 out of pocket if I do that. And if I don't get into Oxford, I'll just stay at Lancaster and I won't have wasted a year by defering entry. When I think about putting it off for another year, I kind of feel sick.

Or I could just go to Lancaster. Wouldn't have to think about travel, Evie would be near Steve, much cheaper in the long run...hmmm. But. It's not Oxford. Oxford is the reason I went back to college in the first place. I think I need to give it another shot.

But anyway. EXAMS DONE FUCK YEAH! I can lounge about all evening and not feel guilty! I have no revision! I have thrown every scrap of college work from the last three years into the recycling bin! It feels great. I have nothing to do this summer but work three days a week and chill with my baby. Fuckin' A.

Of course, I'm looking at getting a proper job because ugh, new chef at work now that Head Chef Sam has left and he threatened me with disciplinary action on my second day working under him. So I can see this relationship is going to go really well. Not to mention, a trained monkey could do my job and probably with more enthusiasm than me. I mean, who gives a fuck about food anyway, really? Being a chef is a stupid job.

Right. I'ma celebrate my fucking awesome exam today by chilling out, maybe throwing my new pup inna bar and having a beer and a J. SUMMER IS HERE PEOPLE, FUCK YEAH!



ETA: Oh yeah, one other thing. An anonymous person told me on here about two and a half years ago that I needed to stop pissing around and finish something for once in my life. And they were right. So there you go, anonymous person - college. Done.
fightingthecage: (SPN - Fucking fuck)


+ Got offered a place at my second choice Uni, here in Lancaster, so I'll definitely get to study want I want next year, reagardless of whether I get offered a place at Oxford or not.

- Sitting the HAT (History Aptitude Test) for Oxford was a bit of a nightmare - when I first read the paper I saw the question that's based off your own knowledge and immediately blanked, so spent too long on the questions that weren't worth as many marks. Then got to the 'hard' question and realised it was actually really easy when I thought about it but I had to rush it due to lack of time. I didn't get to write enough on it, or the last question, because I'd spent too long on the first bits. So, in a nutshell, I don't think I did very well when I could have done loads better if I'd managed time a bit better.

+ The test is done, I can't change it and at least now I don't have to worry about it. The essay is also done - three hours before it had to be handed in to be marked - so all that shit is out of the way.

- Although the essay was pretty good, I think, I don't know if it counts towards their overall decision on whether I get an interview so...I don't know, I am all up in the air. I'll find out in about two weeks time, I guess. :/

+ I have a new boiler which gives me both heating and hot water. This feels like unimaginable luxury and I am far too hot right now as I'm compensating for having frozen my ass off for the last week.

- Evie is sick again. She had a cough which she gave to me and then I gave back to her. She hardly eats, threw up everywhere this morning, is waking up yelling for milk in the night and whinged literally all day today. Just would not shut up. Not her fault if she feels bad, I know, but Calpol did nothing, sleep did nothing and she wouldn't eat...totally at my wits end. I hope she feels better tomorrow.

+ The last two SPN episodes absolutely kicked ass, especially the Halloween one. Fuck yeah!

- I am unbelievably skint and may have to postpone my trip to see Ex-Housemate Jen again. She postponed the first time, I've postponed...twice? three times? since. And I really want to go but just don't know if it's possible.

- I found out yesterday that my old drum teacher died a year ago. Gutted. Absolutely gutted. He taught me for four years and was the most brilliant bloke. He got Motor Neurone Disease apparently - imagine being a drummer and getting that? Sucks. Really really really frickin' sucks.

+ Doing Milliways stuff again feels fantastic. :)

On balance, the week has felt bad more often than it has felt good. And the week before that, for that matter. On the other hand, the good stuff is pretty awesome and there are no words to describe the feeling of freedom that comes with not having to think about the HAT any more. All in all, hurrah!

In other news, what's the lowdown on the yuletide thing? I looked at it last year, or perhaps the year before, and was tempted but it looks really complicated to sign up for and I'm sure I'd bugger the rules up.
fightingthecage: (Kevin - Hee!)

I've been offered a place to read History at Royal Holloway.

...

...holy crap.


*squee*
fightingthecage: (Gen - Small Light)
Oh my God. Oh my God.

I have an assignment due in tomorrow. It's worth 30% of my grade for this module.

Have I started it?

Ummm...I don't even know what it's about. The only two things I know about it are - it's for History. And it's due in tomorrow.

FUCK!

*goes to bed for that will make it alllll better*

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