fightingthecage: (Angel Walking Alone)

I so wanted tonight to be fun and productive. Instead, I find myself sitting here, working myself up into a rage so strong, it's making my chest hurt.  So I'm venting, because it usually clears my head and then perhaps I can get something done.

When my sister got married, she was amazed to find there were families out there who were actually supportive, and nice to each other. At the same time! I'm not kidding. (Warning; may trigger mother!issues) )

I'm at the point where I'm seriously considering counselling to find a way to deal with the levels of anger I have. And I am the sort of person who would rather eat dead rats than talk to a shrink. But seriously. Feeling actual hate cannot be a good thing, and the more I'm forced to see her, the worse it gets.

...but I was right! I feel better now that's all vented, so hopefully the rest of tonight can be somewhat more productive than sitting here raging.
fightingthecage: (Evie - Do Not Want!)


Fuck off, mother. No, seriously.

She always spends every evening asleep on the sofa. Tonight is no different - she wakes up every half hour or so to pull this stupid smile and say, 'can't stay awake, might as well go to bed. I'm so tired.'

...and then fall back asleep on the sofa. So I can't watch a movie or anything because she'd be snappy if I woke her up (WE'RE IN MY FUCKING HOUSE). Well, just now I had some music playing quietly and she was sleeping fine, no worries. And then she wakes up, mumbles something...and turns the TV on.

OK THEN MOTHER! I'll just turn my music off shall I? Don't bother asking if I mind or anything, you fucking rude old cow.

*STABS STABS STABS*

And hey, shootings at an Army base in Northern Ireland. Why am I not surprised?

AUGH!

Jan. 8th, 2009 04:21 pm
fightingthecage: (SPN - Tinytext!Dean)


HAHAHAHA! Unbearable comment #1 (time since mother's arrival, 1 hour)

Mother: *is telling a story about one of her patients that dropped dead unexpectedly over Christmas* 'She got out of the car becuse she felt ill, collapsed and died on the spot. She was a really big black lady but really nice, though.'

HAHAHAHA! *stabs things*
fightingthecage: (B&W - Bed)


You know the reason why I hate Milliways? It keeps me up to ungodly hours of the morning when I have to be awake and alert for college/baby/life in just a few hours after I turn the computer off.

You know the reason why I love Milliways? See above.

It's good to be back. :)

In other news, I think I may have just decided to skive college today (FUCKING MILLIWAYS) because a) I'm tired and b) I have not done my History essay. I'm looking at it now and thinking, '....no.' Harold Wilson is not the most inspiring chap to write about at the best of times and definitely not after four hours sleep.

Should hear from Oxford within the next ten days or so. I would like to publicly state that I really genuinely think I fucked the exam up so I don't expect to get an interview and please don't point and laugh if I don't. At the same time, I'm almost sick with nerves because there's always hope, right? Maybe everyone else sucked that day too. We shall see. I have two offers from my local Uni so it's not the end of the world either way. SICK WITH NERVES

Also, just sick. Tuesday was spent in bed after lots of throwing up, felt fine yesterday, ate some food yesterday evening - feel like crap again today. I think I might just not eat for a week or so, maybe that'll help. :/ Reboot and restart.

HAVE NOT SEEN THE NEW BOND YET. This distresses me immensely and I'm not even kidding. I was all depressed about the prospect of not being able to see it because I have no free time in the day (unless, of course, I skive college. Which I would never do, obviously >.>) but then I remembered that the parent is visiting next week and so, I'll be able to go one evening. Hurrah! V. EXCITED!

Now I just need my computer mouse to stop being a complete tart and I'm set for life...OK right, I should go do chores if I'm not going to college. Which I will do...after I've written an OOM. :)

Oh, and does anyone know how to stop Firefox...you know what, nevermind. I just figured it out as I was typing.
fightingthecage: (WW - Mrs Landingham)


Oh My God, she's driving me insane. *pulls hair out* And I feel very nasty about it because she's actually making an effort not to do and say the things she knows piss me off. ARG!

Mother aside, things are OK. Went back to work on Monday and it was kind of like I'd never left. The first day was extremely bizarre though because I kept geting flashbacks to last year, both good and bad. Also, it's the first time I've ever worked there when Steve hasn't been around and it is totally weird. I have to keep reminding myself that he's not about to suddenly appear on his bike and that I don't have to make him food covertly because Head Chef Sam didn't want him to have it (no one else knew he was diabetic y'see, and I wasn't allowed to tell anyone). STRANGE! But it's been a good laugh so far and I haven't forgotten how to do my job...it's not taxing I know, but I thought there'd be details that would escape me. Not so far.

Other than that, it's as you were.

I said I'd do an 'about me' thingy a few weeks ago due to the new people on my flist. So I shall do that now for anyone interested, in easy to digest bite-sized chunks.

Once upon a time there was a girl who utterly failed to live in any kind of cupboard under the stairs )

I think that's all the basics and will make some sense of the things I post most about. Long, naturally. I never know when to shut up.

Now. Do I watch the new Indiana Jones movie, which the magic fairies magically and invisibly deposited on my harddrive this morning? Or do I watch more football? Decisions decisions.

Rarr x2

May. 9th, 2008 03:40 pm
fightingthecage: (SPN - Painted Dean)


I has me a new SPN ep, yes I do. Alas, I cannot watch it for a while because...well, there's a lot of light in my front room and it makes it hard to see the screen on my computer at times and I want to be able to see the hotness that it angsty!Dean because it'll be ages before there is more. After next week, I mean. Incidentally, when does the new season start? September? Or is it like 24 and starts in January for an uninterrupted run? Doubtful, I feel.

ANYWAY. New ep. Looking forward to it.

In other news, I braved the potential hysteria and took Evie swimming again today. It did not look good because, as per last time, she started crying as soon as I put her down on the changer in our cubicle. Granted, they are grim, but I don't think they warrant hysterics. Evie, obviously, feels differently. But then! The pool was quieter and I sat at the edge with her and let her dangle her toes in the water. She was a bit upset and I was thinking it would be just like last time. After ten minutes though? Totally let me submerge her (which I did in stages) up to her chest/neck and didn't mind at all! I spent the next twenty minutes talking to her and swishing her around and she looked at me pityingly, like she felt vaguely sorry for this fool grining at her and talking to her constantly. In the end, I think I wore her down - last ten minutes she started smiling and laughing and flapping her arms and legs around like a mentalist. Score! Stayed in forty-five minutes in the end and I only took her out because her toes were going so wrinkly. She even adored showering off with me at the end, something she vehemently objected to last time.

Got back in the cubicle - screamed from start to end. We'll have to work on that. But overall, massive success!

I am feeling more optimistic about having my mother here this summer now. OK, it will be small and cramped and she annoys me. But it'll still be nice for her to see Evie and if I'm honest, it'll be nice to go out in the evening after Evie's gone to bed and run or see a movie or something. There is also the knowledge that she won't be here all the next academic year - I have my timetable from September and it looks like I'll be able to work it so that I can do it all without her help. I might ask Steve to have her for an evening a week so I can work but even if he says no, it should all be doable. Hurrah! It'll be busy as hell and hard work but worth it - and only for one year. Much easier after that, when I'll be at Uni.

All in all, top stuff.

ETA: My mouse won't work if I have my keyboard on my lap. THIS IS HIGHLY ANNOYING AND FRUSTRATING! Just thought I'd share.
fightingthecage: (Hamlet - O rly?)


My mother has surfaced. It was a two week holiday. I was confused as I tried to phone her yesterday and she again wasn't in, so then I was all, 'OMG SHE'S BEEN BACK A WEEK AND IS ON THE FLOOR AND CANT ANSWER THE PHONE OR WHATEVER,' and imagining all sorts of gruesome happenings. The reason for this is not that it was likely, exactly, it's just that everything happens when my mother is on holiday. Princess Di died, Grandma had her first stroke, then Grandma died, 9/11 happened - all bad stuff and it always happens when she's out of the country. I was thinking for a time there that it was her turn. But no. She just got back really late last night. And she had a great time in Maderia, so cool.

Also cool! My sister is randomly coming over next week. She didn't tell me this, mother informed me of it just now and I think it will be fun. She wants to see the baby and mother was coming up that week anyway so we'll all hang out (in my tiny flat omg) and try not to step all over each other in the confined space. I'm quite looking forward to it actually, we haven't all been together for three years - exactly three years actually, as Sarah was here for her 30th birthday and she'll be 33 on March 7th.

...Sis, if you're reading this - HAHAHA YOU'RE OLD!!

*ahem* (what? I'm the youngest, I'm allowed to be a brat)

In other news...there is no other news. I'm on half-term so I go and spend a couple of hours in the gym while the baby is at nursery and that's all I have to do, really. Perhaps I should do my homework but, quite frankly, I can't be arsed.

Me again

Feb. 14th, 2008 10:47 pm
fightingthecage: (QasF - So Profound!)


Omg so simple and so addictive! I have just lost two hours of my life to this game. I suspect more will be sucked from me tomorrow.

My mother is still AWOL. I had the notion that maybe today was when she was supposed to be back but no. So...must be a two-week holiday. Go me for figuring that out.

I found one of my mates on Facebook yesterday and friended him, and randomly got friended by a guy who I was *ahem* pretty close to in college. Intruiged by this, I looked up other old friends on the site and it was a very eerie blast from the past. Even though two of them are still my best friends. Still fucking odd. I am too scared to leave this dude a message as it's been years but...yeah. College. Hella good fun. It makes me want to go out and party like it's 1999!

Of course, that's what we did actually do in 1999. I am so old, ugh.
fightingthecage: (FS - Stand Alone)

Dear Mother:

Stop being a bitch. No, really. Apart from having been inane for the last thirty six hours (always guarenteed to get my back up), you've snapped at anyone who has dared to do anything that doesn't fit with your vision of How Things Should Be, you've bitched all afternoon about your bf being late (when he's late every time and didn't even give you a time he was going to arrive today so how can he be late anyway?) and now he's walked in, the first thing you've done is piss him off by bitching at him. You've bitched about the heat in the kitchen when it was you that told me to put the heating on, you've bitched about the baking you're dong when it was your idea to do it...what the fuck is your problem?

Oh yeah. That same thing you always do - when something annoys you, you lash out at whoever is nearest despite them having nothing to do with it or your bad mood. Same for if you're tired or have had a bad morning at work...and later, when everything's done and you've chilled out, you'll cheer up and magically expect the rest of us to forget about all the nasty things you've been saying all day. because now you're in a good mood, you'll expect everyone else to be in one too.

Not much love

Me

On the other hand, she is making apple pie and mince pies and almond slices so that's something to look forward to. She does make excellent cakes. So even though it looks like I'm not going out any more tonight, I'll be able to hole up in my borrowed room and ignore the crap. Allgood.

In other news - wtf, wank? Uh, glad I missed that one. Really does do my head in (mother, stop nagging about the damn tree for fuck's sake. The man just walked in!) and this one was/is so subjective, it's hard to know what to say really. So, I'm not saying anything. Also, I don't mind the new LJ update thingy, even if it did take me five minutes earlier to work out where the 'Userpic' box was. Go me.

On a different note - grah! I can't find my headphones. This means I can't listen to my ipod on the way down to London tomorrow, and can't read on the bus as it makes me sick. Please Lord, let mother have some I can borrow. I don't want to listen to her telling me the same things over and over on the way down - she can never remember that she's told me things and ends up repeating herself endlessly - srsly, when did she get so old? Been like this for a while too and she's not even sixty yet. Hmfph.

Essays due on Tuesday = not done. This has not been a productive day. New pup inna bar later though, so that'll be fun. Must go tag slowtimes. *goes to*

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