Quite frankly, oh my God.
So much I planned to do today. So much not done. WHY CAN I NOT PREPARE FOR THINGS LIKE A NORMAL PERSON? It's only like, an interview that could send me to my dream Uni. The last hurdle before acceptance. Do I finsh all the books I wanted to so I could sound good? Did I fuck. No, no, I did some research on the internet, got distracted, wandered off into a mock interview in my head where everything went swimmingly and then played guitar for a bit.
What the fuck, self. Also, not packed. Laundry for baby not dried so I don't know what the hell she's going to wear while staying at mothers. Christmas Nativity to go to in the morning ('Christmas with the Aliens'. No, seriously.) so no time to catch up then. Driving down south all afternoon. Train at ungodly hour o clock on Wednesday when it'll be TOO DARK TO READ (I know from last year's experience, when I also left the prep until the last minute). And then practically straight into interview, no doubt.
What the fuck. What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck.
Proper meltdown is in progress. Fuck fuck fuck.
And when it comes down to it, I discovered this afternoon that I might be quite relieved if I don't get in. Is this genuine? Or just me setting myself up to fail already? WHAT THE FUCK, SELF?
OK. Breathing now. Will have calming fag and then start back into bloody Charles II. To think, last week I found him interesting. Right now? Couldn't give a fuck.
ETA@ I also know from last years experience that they didn't even go into detail about anything I'd read recently, just wanted to know what it was. So when it comes down to it, any prep is most likely pointless anyway. BUT STILL. I feel I should know more.